Everyone says they want to show up, and everyone says they are scared of visibility. But is it the fear of being visible, the fear of being seen, or the fear of being misinterpreted? I know I’m not afraid of visibility, but I am afraid of being truly seen, of someone looking close enough. And perhaps the most terrifying thing of all is being misread.
I’ve been thinking and reading a lot about the practice of witnessing. You may not have heard of it, and if you google it, something else comes up (so don’t google it). What I mean is the practice of seeing someone without attempting to interpret them or create a narrative. It is, essentially, the complete opposite of what I normally do when I photograph people. Usually there is a defined or implied story we are trying to tell, whether it’s a family story or a brand story.
If you are someone who needs to be visible for work, you can train for it. Here are three things to try that can help you tolerate being seen, and to hold that space with grace while remaining intact.
Look at yourself in the mirror.
I mean really look at yourself as you are. Not assessing how you look or what needs adjusting. Just look. “Here I am.”
Sustained gaze holding.
How do you feel about looking someone in the eye for a full minute without talking? It gives me the shivers, because it’s so intimate and revealing. But it is a skill that can be trained. Start by holding your own gaze in the mirror, then progress to holding someone else’s.
Self-portraits.
This is something that helped me understand my clients, and also become more comfortable in front of the camera myself. They don’t need to be artistic or shared publicly. You can use your phone camera with a timer, or even the front camera. It really does help you get used to being looked at.
All of this helps you become more confident, both in front of the camera and in real life. It trains you to be present without constantly narrating your presence.
Here I am. You may look.
